After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Mayberry’s hottest bartender while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor – finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best Lover. – 20th Century Fox
Deadpool 2 is the follow up to 2016’s Deadpool. The film was directed by wdsfzgbcfvdcvfb. Sorry about that I just punched some nerd in the face and his face hit the keyboard. It’s me DJ Pooly Fresh aka DP aka Mr. Pool aka the Hostess with the Mostess aka the Merc with the Mouth aka Deadpool aka Wade Wilson. I couldn’t stand by and let some dude named Will who still lives in his mom’s basement write a review about me, there’s only one man for the job and that’s me Deadpool. You know what I always say, “I’m the best at what I do and what I do is writing movie reviews.” Lemme just close all these open porn tabs and I can get started on this review. Wait just a minute, some of these look good, I’ll be back in a bit. Well to you it’ll be like I was never gone. Anyways I’m gonna grab my crocs and get to town, see you in the next paragraph.
I’m assuming if you’re here you wanna know how my movie is, then again does anyone even read this guy’s blog? Uh whatever who cares I’m here and my movies awesome, so go see it. Did you like the first one? Of course, you did it was great. I certainly do agree towards the end some of it got a bit stale and the rewatch value isn’t that high but don’t worry the dopes who wrote my movie Deadpool 2 took that all into consideration and kept all the good stuff from the first one and left out all the bad stuff. The actions better, I shot and stab stuff and bleed a lot. Colossus looks like a CGI guy and there’s explosions, lots of em. I break the forth wall even more times, (am I breaking the fourth wall twice here? Is this an eighth wall break?) and I make fun of just about everything you like and don’t like. I bet you saw that other Cable movie, Avengers: Infinity War and thought that was emotionally, Deadpool 2 is just as emotionally if not more, it’s like the Notebook meets the Titanic meets Ghost (RIP Swayze.)
You thought I was great in Deadpool well guess what I’m even better in this one, it was like I was born for the role. I’m back and so is my boy Weasel (though I doubt he’ll be back again, he’s kind of a dirtbag in real life), my man Dopinder and my lovely blind roommate Al but forget those guys we’ve got some newcomers. Thanos plays Cable and he is just as good if not better as Cable, a little short but he’s got the old man gruff down to a pat and he is a total badass and even gets the drop on me a few times. There’s that chick from Atlanta as Domino and she’s fantastic, if it wasn’t my movie I’d say she was the best part of it. Her powers are luck, which is totally not a power but it’s translated very well from comic to film. Finally, Peter, played by some regular guy, he’s great, love that guy, a bit useless though. Oh, wait I almost forget the little chubby guy from New Zealand playing Russell. He’s like the sidekick I never wanted, gets all my jokes and is almost as funny as me and likes pens a little too much.
Go see my movie it’s an absolute blast and I bet you don’t even know what it’s about. I was in the movie and there was more twist and turns and unexpected surprises I thought M. Night Shamalamadingdong was directing the movie, I checked he didn’t, it was the one of the guy’s who killed John Wick’s dog. Seriously you know nothing about this movie, we killed the marketing campaign but flooded it with misdirects. It’s a prank, we got you. Wolverine ain’t got shit on me.
I give Deadpool 2 9 chimichangas out of 10, would watch again. Weird you’d think since it’s my movie I’d give it a 10, whatever don’t think about it too much. I gotta run it looks like Will’s waking up and I better leave before he sees what I left in the bathroom.
“Dubstep’s for pussies.”