Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

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Photo Source: IMDb

In the 28th century, special operatives Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline work together to maintain order throughout the human territories. Under assignment from the minister of defense, the duo embarks on a mission to Alpha, an ever-expanding metropolis where diverse species gather to share knowledge and culture. When a dark force threatens the peaceful city, Valerian and Laureline must race against time to identify the menace that also jeopardizes the future of the universe. – STX Entertainment

Here is another one of my most anticipated movies of the summer. It has been a good run so I guess I was bound to get a dud sooner or later. I really should’ve saw Dunkirk instead. This movie wasn’t that bad, it just wasn’t very good.

Luc Besson wrote and directed Valerian. People like him, most people like The Fifth Element and I think some people like Lucy and I guess some people will like this movie. The directing is good I guess. The movie looks really really good. There were tons of crazy settings and so many different aliens. Everything looked really good. Visually this movie is pretty good. It is quite enjoyable to look at but that is mostly it. Maybe if I had some psychotropic drugs, the plot wouldn’t have mattered.

The opening scene to Valerian kicks off with David Bowie’s Space Oddity. I really dug it, the scene is easily one of the best in the whole movie. After that scene is where the movie lost me. Valerian is 137 minutes long. I watched all 137 minutes and I still am not too sure of the plot. I’ve got a general idea but the movie was just all over the place. It was like I was watching someone play a video game and the main story kept getting interrupted by side missions that had nothing to do with the main story. Valerian was all style no substance. I cannot remember the last time I checked my watch during a movie, until this movie. It was way too damn long. At least this movie was funny. It was funny how terrible the jokes in the movie were. Seriously like maybe two jokes hit.

There was some solid acting in the movie. Just not from Valerian and Laureline. Dane DeHaan did his usual acting style which works sometimes (see Chronicle) and doesn’t work other times (see The Amazing Spider-Man 2.) I think he is good in some stuff but he wasn’t good in this. Not a very interesting character, I did like his fashion style though. Dane Dehaan did his normal thing so you can’t really blame him. Cara Delevingne had a poor performance. See seemed like she had no desire to be in the film and was just there for the paycheck. I know she can act well and this was not her best. There was zero chemistry between the two as well. The whole movie they are supposed to be in a will they won’t they position and I just could not believe it. They did not seem interested in each other one bit. On the bright side Ethan Hawke (Jolly the Pimp) and Rihanna (Bubble) had excellent performances. Rihanna really stole the show, I enjoyed every scene with her. Too bad both of their characters shouldn’t have been in the movie. The whole part with them was a “side mission” and didn’t really matter to the main story. It is too bad neither of them weren’t in the movie more, maybe I would’ve liked it more. I say we get a Jolly the Pimp and Bubble spin off. Anybody?

I really wanted to like this movie, it had a lot of promise and I bet the original graphic novel is actually good but this just isn’t. Looks real good but that is it.

Valerian looked very good on the big screen in 3D but it is just not worth the money.

The best part of the movie was when I got Taco Bell after.

I give Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets a 5 out of 10, not likely to watch again.

If you’d like to buy what inspired the movie click here. It is probably better than the movie. I might buy it to wash the bad taste of the movie out of my mouth.

 

 

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Photo Source: Slash Film

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Photo Source: Universal Pictures/Dark Universe 

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20th Century Fox

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